this is not my home...

so i've really been struggling this week. it's such a relief to know that feelings are not truth, because my emotions have been running all over the place. i don't know when it hit me...sometime sunday night. out of nowhere, i suddenly felt drained. physically, emotionally, spiritually. i felt tired. i took a step back and looked at my life for a while. recently i started writing things in my planner (a normal semester ritual for me...i start the planner for the first three weeks before i lose it and forget about it). so i thought about my planner...all the weekly meetings, small groups, classes, time scheduled for work outs. normal things really. and i've done so much better this past year about not putting too much on my plate. i thought about what i do in my spare time...i usually try to hang out with people, maybe go grab a cup of coffee, do some studying. and suddenly all this routine seemed miserable to me. i've never really felt this way before. i just really felt tired of all the routine. and it's funny, because these past few weeks, i have been receiving so much life and insight from the Holy Spirit. i've been walking in so much fullness with Him. so i was baffled. why, when i am at a peak of intimacy with Him, am i suddenly dissatisfied with my life? well i chewed on this for a few days, just telling Him how i felt. all kinds of doubt crept in, and i felt like the enemy was beating me down. and then, in the middle of my feature writing class (which is NOT exciting usually) He spoke such great truth to me. He told me i'm supposed to be uncomfortable here, because this is not my home. i was not designed to ever be completely fulfilled in this world. i will always have a struggle here. that's why paul said he PRESSES on, STRAINING to win the prize to which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3). it is a strain. but He is worth it.