without love, i am nothing

i've been trying to memorize 1 corinthians 13. and one thought keeps returning... i really don't have much of a grasp on what it really is to love. the Lord has used a lot of situations in my life to bring this to light for me. He shows me my immaturity in the way i relate to people... the way i respond when people don't do what i think they should do. the other day my own shallowness and selfishness just kind of hit me in the face all at once. gross! i had to ask Him to change me. really change me. and i believe He can... in fact, this weekend, He kind of started the process. i was at home for easter. and it was like one thing after another just kept pricking my heart and i began to feel a very deep hurt. it's interesting how He'll use what i'm doing in school to teach me spiritual lessons. i was writing a story for my feature writing class about globalization affecting rural alabama towns, so of course i focused on abbeville. and it really broke my heart by the time i finished my story. talking to so many people whose lives are basically getting washed out in this huge process. all that to say... in the car on the way home i was talking to the Lord about how sad it made me. and not just the globalization, other things at home too. but the hurt was just bearing down on my spirit with this unbelievable pressure. and that's when He told me that He hurts too. only much more deeply, because He loves more deeply. the love won't come easily. it hurts to really love. but He's beginning the process in me, and i'm thankful.