it's coming...

leviticus 25:9-10
you shall then sound a ram's horn abroad... on the day of atonement you shall sound a horn all through your land. you shall thus consecrate the fiftieth year and proclaim a release through the land to all its inhabitants. it shall be a jubilee for you...

acts 3:19-21
therefore repent and return, so that your sins may be wiped away, in order that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord; and that He may send Jesus, the Christ appointed for you, whom heaven must receive until the period of restoration of all things about which God spoke by the mouth of His holy prophets from ancient time.

against the flow

well i'm on a new kick. i'm becoming strongly anti-mainstream. the Holy Spirit has kind of been working this in me over about a week and a half. here are my thoughts...
i feel like there is mainstream Christianity. now as i say what i think, all this comes with a disclaimer: a recognition that i have spent most of my life in this mainstream, normal christianity. and there's a lot to be said for that. but i'm just beginning to back away from that. and when i step back, i see this kind of generalization that's happening in the church. lots of people have similar relationships with God. not the same, but there's a lot of similar. and i feel like a lot of our uniqueness is getting lost in the mainstream.
so i'm questioning a lot of structures and institutions i've always clung to. like Christian books for example. i used to want to just read and read and hang out in Christian bookstores. and now i just don't know how i feel about this overabundance of Christian literature. it's like some people get a great revelation, so they find it wholly necessary to go write a book about how i should apply it to my life. and that's the Christianity so many americans are settling for. having someone else's spiritual revelation be imposed on their relationship with Father. now i know there's a lot to be learned from christian books. obviously people are called to teach, and some do it through writing. but i am desiring this type of unique intimacy with Him that can't be received through reading what someone else experienced or what worked for them. i don't want to conform to the mainstream... i want a unique and individual relationship with Jesus.
and He showed me this picture last night of how people who are willing to go against the flow create a literal type of friction. note: this is not division, it is friction. big difference. the friction makes us uncomfortable where we are. it sharpens. and it moves us to a place where power can be released.
i don't want any more information. knowledge only puffs up. i want intimacy... not a concept, but the real thing. deep conversations with Him and quality time just being with the Holy Spirit. all these concepts and right steps won't do anything but impose someone else's relationship with Him on me. then we'll all end up with these really similar relationships, while He desires individuality in His intimacy with us.
i'm loving where He has me right now... i am really moving in the direction of absolutely not caring what people think of me. and that's a pretty fun place. all i want, all i need, is Jesus.

it's His job

i have been reading watchman nee's "messenger of the Cross." (ps... you should read it too!) nee was talking about how emotion is a work of our soul, and works in opposition to the work of the Cross through us. this is what he said that really got me:
"Sometimes we receive special grace from God; our hearts are filled with light and joy... our hearts feel as if they are ready to overflow. We can hardly hold ourselves back from speaking to others about the Lord... however, at such times... we babble unceasingly about the things of God. Such works are fully of the emotion."
ouch. surely not me! haha... oh i think way too highly of myself sometimes. i'm one of those. a spiritual babbler. and it puffs me up. it's hard, because He tells me such good stuff sometimes, i feel the need to turn around and tell every single person who's willing to stop and have a deep conversation. and i have a desire to show people truth. but sometimes all that does is build a higher spiritual image of myself in my mind, feeding my already disgusting pride. and this morning He called me out. sometimes it's good to tell people. but sometimes He just wants to do it, and my role is to pray. that's right, it's not always my job to tell people what the Holy Spirit tells me. sometimes it's His job. imagine that. and He showed me that when i take a backseat on telling everybody everything, i'll be more committed to praying for them. because i genuinely want them to know, and i'll genuinely pray that He'll show them. and then i don't get the whole pride issue, because it wasn't me that told them. it was Him. only when i choose to allow every conversation i have to be specifically directed by the Spirit will my pride be put in its place.

the believer's authority

so i was checking out Revelation 12:10-11, just meditating on it before we started small groups monday night. such rich words!

"now the salvation, and the power, and the kingdom of our God and the authority of His Christ have come, for the accuser of our brethren has been thrown down, he who accuses them before our God day and night. and they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life, even when faced with death."

nice. notice... the kingdom of God comes when the accuser has been thrown down. the accuser is thrown down when the brethren (that's us!) take authority over him. we overcome him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony. it's not one or the other. i have a tendency to want to fight it out with just the word of my testimony. i honestly enjoy sharing what the Holy Spirit is teaching me and speaking that truth to others. but if it is not co-working with the blood of the Lamb, it is in vain. probably because if it's just the word of my testimony, even if it's good words, pride is working behind it. i am easily puffed up by sharing "spiritual revelations" with others. but the blood of the Lamb is the ultimate picture of humility (check out Philippians 2:5-11... a picture of Christ's perfect humility). the cross opposes pride. the blood of the Lamb can not glorify me. that's why we must fight with both. satan is defeated when we possess the humility of the cross and speak of its work in our lives. God has delegated authority to us, but we must use it wisely. may we live as the overcomers He has created us to be.

this is not my home...

so i've really been struggling this week. it's such a relief to know that feelings are not truth, because my emotions have been running all over the place. i don't know when it hit me...sometime sunday night. out of nowhere, i suddenly felt drained. physically, emotionally, spiritually. i felt tired. i took a step back and looked at my life for a while. recently i started writing things in my planner (a normal semester ritual for me...i start the planner for the first three weeks before i lose it and forget about it). so i thought about my planner...all the weekly meetings, small groups, classes, time scheduled for work outs. normal things really. and i've done so much better this past year about not putting too much on my plate. i thought about what i do in my spare time...i usually try to hang out with people, maybe go grab a cup of coffee, do some studying. and suddenly all this routine seemed miserable to me. i've never really felt this way before. i just really felt tired of all the routine. and it's funny, because these past few weeks, i have been receiving so much life and insight from the Holy Spirit. i've been walking in so much fullness with Him. so i was baffled. why, when i am at a peak of intimacy with Him, am i suddenly dissatisfied with my life? well i chewed on this for a few days, just telling Him how i felt. all kinds of doubt crept in, and i felt like the enemy was beating me down. and then, in the middle of my feature writing class (which is NOT exciting usually) He spoke such great truth to me. He told me i'm supposed to be uncomfortable here, because this is not my home. i was not designed to ever be completely fulfilled in this world. i will always have a struggle here. that's why paul said he PRESSES on, STRAINING to win the prize to which God has called us heavenward in Christ Jesus (Philippians 3). it is a strain. but He is worth it.