good stuff...

"For this commandment which I command you today is not too difficult for you, nor is it out of reach. It is not in heaven, that you should say, 'Who will go up to heaven for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?' Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, 'Who will cross the sea for us to get it for us and make us hear it, that we may observe it?' But the word is very near you, in your mouth and in your heart, that you may observe it."
deuteronomy 30:11-14
rejoice! the Word (Jesus!!) is "very near you." isn't that the heart of the gospel? how exciting!

sweet patience

so recently my time with God every morning has been less that wonderful. don't get me wrong, by the time i'm in my car and driving to work, i'm doing better, and i guess i'm a little more functional. that's when i have my good prayer time. but when i'm actually sitting around reading the Word, trying to spend time with Him, it's like a huge flop. i got kind of frustrated about it today, and really most days i kind of do. it's like i can't make myself come together and connect with Him spiritually. so when i was talking to Him about that today, He put something on my heart that really freed me up some. He showed me that i'm pretty frustrated with myself, but gosh, He certainly isn't. He's not taken off guard by my incapacities, and He's not getting impatient with me. that's all my own doing. ha! i really complicate things sometimes. He's just glad i'm hanging out with Him. what a picture of patience. He showed me that a lot of the reason i'm not connecting goes back to trying to function out of my resources. it's like i'm working from emotions, my physical state (of sleepiness, usually), and my mental capacities. but He just wants me to put aside my fleshly resources (work of the soul, as watchman nee would call it)... and just be free in the Spirit. but He's not impatient for me to get to that point.

thinking...

i've spent a lot of time alone here in nashville. not necessarily lonely, but alone. like driving in the car everyday, exercising, time in my office. just being alone. i know it's been good for me, i've had so much more time to think. not to think about anything in particular, but just to think. (side note: sometimes i wonder how much time i waste thinking about things i've already thought about so much that i'm beating that thought like beating a dead horse. why not think about something different and open my mind to something new?)
anyway, He showed me last night that when i get bored, i am eager to engage my mind with something to fight the boredom off. whether it be entertainment or even reading or something productive, stillness of the mind makes me stir-crazy. He's beginning to show me more and more how to use those times to just be with Him. it's hard to explain, but it's like i'm learning to release the need to have my mind occupied, and it's ok to just let it run wild with Him. just sitting and thinking and sitting and thinking could seem boring, but when He engages my spirit in a simultaneous experience with that, it can be quite exciting. i don't know if any of this makes sense, but welcome to my world right now. like i said... i've just had a lot of time to think.

quick thought

"No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price, for I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God which cost me nothing..." (David, in 2 Samuel 24:24)
He keeps asking me, over and over, ever since i read this verse last week... what am i offering Him that has cost me nothing? and what do i need to offer that will cost me dearly? just a quick thought for the day.

work

well it's been interesting having this job. i'm learning a lot... about the real world and how it's really not that fun! but i'm thankful He has me here for this short-term season to prepare me for real jobs down the road (maybe way down the road...)
anyway, working at LifeWay has specifically been a stretching experience for me. sometimes it's hard, cause i'm really not doing that much work in JOURNALISM, which, of course, is my major. and let's talk about how "anti-mainstream" i hyped myself up about being this whole past semester. well, welcome to the mainstream of Christianity: LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention. get my drift? the Lord has such a great sense of humor! i am getting practical experience, and i know that this is where the He wanted me to be for this summer.
so the other day i was praying on my way to work (i have a 25 minute commute) and i was just praying for friends, family, etc. i started praying for my mom, and randomly started praying for her situation at work. i know it really wears her out sometimes, largely because of the people she works with (and where they are spiritually...). anyway, i just got this idea to pray that it would be her place of ministry, and that she would absolutely love getting to go everyday, because she's so blessed by getting to pour into the lives of those she works with. and that instead of feeling drained, she would be energized by her work, not because of the work, but because of the impact it would make for God's kingdom. it made sense, but was kind of random.
but then God showed me that was the same thing i needed to be praying for myself! work has been wearing me out, but He wants it to be a time of blessing for me because i get to minister in the Spirit to other believers (who often seem discouraged or "worn-out" on the whole church thing), all day long!

all He wants

i had the greatest revelation this morning... and i'm going to try to explain it. but really, i would have never understood if someone else had told me. it had to come from Him. that's what made it so authentic and just plain good.
He told me that the only thing He wants from me is my undivided love. sure, that's something i had heard before. but then He went and followed the belief systems i had that lay beneath that. and He pointed out to me that i've been taught that all the good works and spiritual things i do are simply a byproduct of my loving relationship with Him. which is completely true. but then He showed me what i believed of Him that was not true. somewhere i had been deceived, and although i have never said it, or even realized it, i believed that the reason He wanted this love relationship with me was for the fruit: the good works and spiritual things. but that's not true. really, all He wants is my love. that's it. just that simple.
He went on to reveal to me that those byproducts of my relationship with Him (fruit of the Spirit, basically) aren't so much a result of my love for Him as they are a result of my realizing His love for me. they are a gift from Him. they are the fruit of the Spirit. so it's like He has offered me a seed (the Holy Spirit) as a present. when someone gives you a seed as a gift, the gift is much more than the seed itself! it is the fruit and beauty that seed will produce when handled rightly. and so is His gift to me! all the fruit in my life is part of His gift to me, not mine to Him! when i recognize that i can see that these are not the things He wants most from me. which brings me back the point He was trying to get across in the first place: all He wants from me is simply love.

a season of rest...

‘Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness,
and speak kindly to her.
Then I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley of Achor
as a door of hope
and she will sing there as in the days of her youth, as in the day
when she came up from the land of Egypt.
It will come about in that day, declares the Lord, that you will call me ISHI (husband)
and will no longer call me Baali (slavemaster).
For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth
so that they will be mentioned by their names no more.’
Hosea 2:14-17