sweet patience

so recently my time with God every morning has been less that wonderful. don't get me wrong, by the time i'm in my car and driving to work, i'm doing better, and i guess i'm a little more functional. that's when i have my good prayer time. but when i'm actually sitting around reading the Word, trying to spend time with Him, it's like a huge flop. i got kind of frustrated about it today, and really most days i kind of do. it's like i can't make myself come together and connect with Him spiritually. so when i was talking to Him about that today, He put something on my heart that really freed me up some. He showed me that i'm pretty frustrated with myself, but gosh, He certainly isn't. He's not taken off guard by my incapacities, and He's not getting impatient with me. that's all my own doing. ha! i really complicate things sometimes. He's just glad i'm hanging out with Him. what a picture of patience. He showed me that a lot of the reason i'm not connecting goes back to trying to function out of my resources. it's like i'm working from emotions, my physical state (of sleepiness, usually), and my mental capacities. but He just wants me to put aside my fleshly resources (work of the soul, as watchman nee would call it)... and just be free in the Spirit. but He's not impatient for me to get to that point.